The Drawing Out
This Fall has been a lot! I’m going to get really real with you. We were getting spiritually dry, weary in our souls, and we were accumulating the grime of offenses, worries, insecurity, and striving. We were spinning our wheels and not moving. One day, everything came to a head, and I remember getting to a fight or flight climax and just wanting to run. And I had this thought – if I feel like running, why don’t we plan on it? What more evidence do we need that it’s time to retreat?
When I brought up this idea to Tim, there was at first natural hesitancy. This is how it went: Hey babe, why don’t we take 2 weeks off of work unpaid and go retreat and pray with our toddlers. HA. So, granted, I get the hesitancy. Something I love about Tim, though? He hears God. And when He hears God, he knows that he has heard Him, and he does what He says. I’ve seen in Tim, from the day that we almost started dating but the Father told him to wait, that he values God’s Word, both written and spoken, far, far above his own desires and thoughts. So as he took time to ask and see what God had to say about this crazy prayer retreat with toddlers idea, he heard that a) I needed it (sigh, I’m so needy…) and that b) God had some very specific things He wanted to have space to say to him. He was excited by this, and he was willing to make the sacrifice to take that space.
But God is SO awesome, in that He receives our sacrifices with joy and then gives back to us more than we ever would have asked or imagined. It really, truly was a gift in the end, as every aspect of the trip ended up being provided for. Completely blown away by the love of God, we commenced planning a two week trip with littles!! haha
We were so blessed to stay at The Broom Tree Refuge. They have a mission of serving those who serve the Lord, especially those who are weary or hurting, and created a retreat space that even works for families on mission like us. So grateful.















What We Planned…And What HE Planned
As often tends to happen, His plan for our time with Him was not what we had planned. We had ideas of questions we wanted answered in prayer, and He had heart messages He wanted to make sure hit home. The time with Him really brought us back to simple truth. And that simple truth wrecked us and turned the way we’d been living our lives upside down. Repentance is so beautiful because it isn’t just guilt, it’s going a different way, and it’s receiving forgiveness and a cleansing of all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
I learned more about the bad fruit of pride (especially the hidden pride you don’t know is there), and how it leads to striving and insecurity and judgement and worry. I learned more about offense and how Jesus walked out offense. I received correction … but not just correction, also training, The Holy Spirit took time to take me back to experiences where I had been hurt and to coach me through what it would have looked like to live it out His way. He gave me the HOW.
While there are many scriptures He walked us through during our time, the one that has stuck out to me the most when it comes specifically to offense is this:
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” For “you were like sheep going astray,” but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
1 Peter 2:23-25
He entrusted himself to him who judges justly. How freeing! How awesome! I don’t know how to judge justly- but He does! The response I am training myself toward when my hackles raise is release and entrusting of myself to Him who judges justly, followed by a heart of compassion and prayer.
It may sound exceptionally corny, but I think the biggest personal lesson was: Let go and let God. Yeah, I know, so Christianese it hurts. But that’s the summation!
At the end of my personal time, I was undone by this passage in Revelation about the symbolic 144,000 who will be the firstfruits to God and the Lamb.
Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads. And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.
Revelation 14:1-5
I met this passage with such longing. This vision stuck out to me of Jesus’ name on my forehead, and of worshipping my heart out with this intimate song, and of following Him wherever He goes. At first I was a little sad when I read this, because it seemed unattainable. But, with the help of the commentaries of The Passion Translation and The Fire Bible (I encourage you to read them if you’re curious!), I was left ablaze with a desire to walk in both these days and the days to come in eternity right at the heels of the Lover of my Soul. What an amazingly restful place to reside – even when the flames are licking our heels and the waves are too tall to manage alone – what beautiful peace. The rest and peace is this: that kind of life is only possibly by His grace. I can’t do it! So have your way in me, God!
In addition to this, Tim spent a lot of time gleaning from Colossians 3, and I was impressed upon from Hebrews 11 God’s desire for our yes whether or not we ever see what we are believing for on this side of eternity (Hebrews 11:13) . He wants our yes above it all.
And One River?
One leading on my heart before going on this trip was that we needed to write down everything we were hearing from God on big pieces of paper or poster boards. So, we left with a roll of craft paper, determined to record it all, and came back with two large poster-sized sheets filled with what He’d said! And, wow, God had a lot to say about One River, too. We knew He would. but it was pretty cool seeing the way He was able to usher us into the next season and paint vision within us. He is the best Dreamer.
This coming year, while working on a mobile prayer space for One River and a citywide prayer space together with 24-7 Prayer, we are tasked to share the vision for Light House. Ahh, what is Light House you ask? We’ve actually been dreaming about it for years. And now He says it’s time to share, so here we go. We are dreaming of a missional prayer community in the Northeast that lives together in a neo-monastic format and who carry the heart of One River for accessible (public) spaces for prayer and unity in the Church. We see this in a wooded/rural area nearby a city. But where exactly? We don’t know. So, we are planning to share for a year, trusting a connection or next step will be made clear. And, we are planning to research the Northeast and to obtain a map and pray over the area regularly. It sounds crazy…but I know He’ll put the pieces together. We saw that with our prayer rooms thus far, and with the pieces that have been falling together with the mobile and citywide space. It’s His dream in us, His breath in our lungs, and He will bring His will about.
And anything that proves not to be His will – we don’t want. So, that being said, please pray with us!! We are just vessels, imperfect people, pressing in with willingness. We want to hear clearly and stay close to His heart and will. We deeply desire and need your prayers.
This is a passage Tim received to be a motto and way of life for Light House:
Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:13b-18






And So it Goes
The last couple days as we were wrapping up our time, I was almost startled by how mellow I felt. It’s not too natural for me, as I’m a pretty exuberant person haha. As I thought about how I was feeling, I told Tim I’d only ever felt like that after a long massage. So, following that train of thought, God realigned us on this trip, kneaded out our knots, and set us anew on a healthy path forward. Praise be to you, God!